I entitled this article for a specific reason. Dreams, for the most part, are better than reality. I am not referring to nightmares, as that is a different subject altogether. A child that is growing-up can have the fantastic dreams. The escape into the Fantasy world can be quite fun. It is a way to shape their imaginations.
Escapism is a coping strategy that implies the tendency to evade the real world, looking for the desired security and tranquility in a fantasy world. - Jennifer Delgado Suarez, Psy.D
When someone wants to live a fantasy world and does not want to face reality, it becomes a problem. On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have other issues to face. This world is where reality (albeit a false reality) and fantasy meet. This world is where abuse (of all types) is readily apparent.
I recall an incident my wife and I were witnesses to and unfortunate set of circumstances. At no time do I place blame anywhere. At not time do I suggest that either side is innocent. Before I tell a series of stories, I share this verse to remind you that "all" have fallen short of the Glory of G-d.
For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of G-d; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Messiah Yeshua. - Romans 3:23-24 HNV
Beat at Home
For the sake of clarity, I will name the young lady in this tory as "Beth." Beth is strong-minded, tough young lady ready to fight at a moment's notice. There are very few people that she allows close contact. Beth would question the motive behind compliments. She saw compliments given by a male as a ruse to get her into bed. She saw compliments given by females as a way to get her to lower her guard.
The place my wife and I were working at this time had some horses. Equine Therapy was one of the great things I have personally witnessed.
Equine Therapy is the discipline of using horses to provide metaphoric experiences to promote emotional growth. The horses provide an excellent way for troubled youth to react when there are otherwise therapy-resistant. Equine Therapists will teach many lessons on ways horses learn, respond, and follow instructions to the lives of youth themselves. - Equine Psychotherapy
The teacher gave practical example to these young ladies. He pointed out the actions they did versus how the horse responded. Taking that as a clue, I started attaching my comments to a specific action. I would approach Beth by keeping my hands clasped behind me. I would call here name, mention the incident, and then give a compliment. If the incident required some criticism, I wouldn't give it directly. I would ask her what happened. I would then ask her how she would do things differently.
I must admit that the first few times, her response could melt steel! Slowly, I witnessed the response weaken. One day during a moment she was very proud of, I complimented her. I was walking by her side at this moment. In an instant, she reaches out and grabs me around the waist. She places her head on my shoulder and says, "Thanks! Mr. Kitchens!"
One day she comes to me and asks if she could talk. I ask her to sit down. She refuses on the condition that she wanted to show me something. She turns around and lifts her shirt up. On her back were scars from a razor strap. She explained how her "mom" would use this razor strap and force her to go to church. While in church, she heard how "G-d loves her." The conflict between what she heard at "church" and the reality she was receiving at home destroyed things. She explained she saw how things could be different.
The Prison she owned
The next story I share does not have a happy ending. This story begins the moment a mother and her daughter arrive at this group home. This story is also incomplete. As I said, the story starts the moment they arrive at this group home. The yelling, screaming, name-calling, and cussing between this mother and her daughter caused more than a little concern.
The people at this group home would make a little bit of progress. Then it would be stripped away by the actions of the mother. The group home offered a scheduled, supervised visit between mother and daughter. It was right after school, and this mother bursts into the dayroom. She is demanding to know where her daughter is. About that time, this daughter walks in with a couple of people she had befriended. There was a slight smile on her face. Immediately upon seeing her daughter, this mother goes on a full tirade in front of everyone present. The look of embarrassment and anger quickly flashed upon this young girl's face. As you would expect, this young lady began returning the same treatment as she was receiving from her "mother".
As the days went by, all attempts that previously worked failed. we discovered that this young lady loved to work with plants. She even cracked a little more smile now and then. The smile would quickly fade away when she thought someone was around or looking at her. At the house my wife and I were at, we had a plant that was dying. We watered. We fertilized. There was nothing that seemed to work. I got her to take a look at it. She quickly discovered that the plant was root-bound.
Root-Bound: having roots formed into a dense, tangled mass that allows little or no space for further growth. - Merriam-Webster Dictionary
A root-bound plant can choke itself. If not correct, the plant will die. This young lady had previously mentioned that the rules of the place were too lenient. I attempted to use her explanation of this plant as a metaphor for her. She had grown and needed a larger environment. She quickly realized what I was doing. There was a realization that the attempts to start arguments were not working on the staff. She realized that the decision was on her. On a metaphoric level, she shut the door to her prison. Eventually, all attempts had been exhausted. The staff had no recourse but to call the County Sheriff's Office. When the Sheriff arrived to pick her up, she attacked them. She was taken away screaming, yelling, and cursing. There was not a single tear in her eye. Her face was one of rage, anger, and despair!
Sincerely,
David A. Kitchens, Editor
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