Meridian - I am NOT impressed!

 

I joined the U.S. Navy shortly after I graduated High School in June of 1983. What I didn't know then was that the experience would become a part of me. People reflecting on the past tend to gloss over things. The "good times" are remembered as being better than they were. The "bad times" are put forward so that it doesn't "sting" as much as they should. 

People tend to forget that even the "good times" are remembered differently than they were. People, in general, tend to embellish their "good points" while diminishing the "weak points." Memory is strange in this fashion. I was, in a way, like Jonah.  No, I didn't have a message to deliver. I was running. I was running from myself. I was running from Family. I was running from a lot of different things. Yet, wherever I went, there I was! 

I was in a conversation with a co-worker a short while ago. I was recounting the time when I was 19 years old and on the streets of Tokyo, Japan. I told of a time when I was at this place called "Byblos." It is funny to remember that place now. What is missing are the times the problems I was running from came to the surface. It wasn't an "American" causing me grief. It was a "Japanese" that was causing problems. I knew that I eventually had to face the issue I was trying my best to avoid.  Yet time after time, I would dismiss the problem as simply being "misunderstood." They understood, alright. It was me that was trying to shift responsibility for my welfare onto someone else.

Later, I ran across a scripture that spoke volumes to me. It prompted my search to look deep within myself. Still to this day, I run across situations that remind me of some incident while in the U.S. Navy. I run across people that remind me of someone I worked around. Instead of avoiding the situation, I pray that G-d helps me remember correctly. If there is something I did that isn't right, I pray that G-d forgives me. I pray for that person and that situation.

I realize that there will always be problems. Problems do not go away. Running from them, and they will find you. I also know that not everything comes with an immediate solution. People are facing problems of their own. People could also be doing what I did for a long time. It is my prayer that they come to know Yeshua as I did. That road from the pit where the Prodigal Son found himself is as long as you have personally made it. 

The garment also that the plague of leprosy is in, whether it be a woollen garment, or a linen garment; whether it be in warp, or woof; of linen, or of woollen; whether in a skin, or in anything made of skin; if the plague be greenish or reddish in the garment, or in the skin, or in the warp, or in the woof, or in anything of skin; it is the plague of leprosy, and shall be showed unto the priest. - Leviticus 13:47-49

This passage mentions the "warp and woof" in a garment. A garment is two different things using threads that are "warp" and "woof." The "warp" is the threads that run lengthwise. The "woof" is the threads that run crosswise. In short, these two things form the fundamental foundation of the garment. If something affects the "fundamental foundation" of a garment, it weakens the garment. In like manner, if something is affecting the fundamental foundation of your life, it shows itself up as a weakness.

Finding a fundamental weakness in your life is not easy. Dealing with it is hard. Expecting people to come to terms with it is nearly impossible. When you take a look at a garment, you see how each thread comes together. The lengthwise threads could be the people you have come across in your life. The Crosswise threads could be the situation and the decisions you made. A stain in the "garment" of your life affects the people in that situation. This stain, depending on how big, affects the surrounding areas as well.

Some will say and have said, "I'm not impressed!" Lucky for me, I am not duty-bound to "impress you." Finding your location on a map requires the use of longitude and latitude. These are invisible lines on a map to help find any particular spot. I found where I am at on the "map of life." I am traveling to where I need to be. Have you started yet?

Sincerely,

David A. Kitchens, Editor

The "Doubt" Thrower

 

According to several sources, questions are to socialize, research, inform, or challenge. There is a list of the types of questions you can look up. You can find the types of questions listed at this site. Http://www.rhetoric.byu.edu. 

One such technique is known for the rapid-fire questions toward the intended target. The goal is to overwhelm both the target and the people listening. The answer to these questions requires a complex reply. An example you may have witnessed goes by, "Gish Gallop." 

The Gish Gallop (rapid-fire) is a technique that overwhelms the intended target with as many arguments or questions as possible. The effectiveness of these techniques cannot be understated. The reason is that they hope you will blindly accept what they say. They hope you will not take the time to verify that the information is (1) accurate or (2) relevant.

A Legal Excuse

 

Some use the rules for the sole benefit of themselves. In short, if rules ( or laws) will prevent someone else from doing something, then they are all for "Law and Order." You may find people that look up to these types of people. They seem to exhibit all the things that are worth honoring.

What is wrong with this type of attitude, one may ask. The problem arises when the rules (or laws) prevent them from doing something. Then you may see complaints about archaic laws, backward thinking, and the need to progress into a more enlightened society. The rules (laws) are for the "little people" and not for those in charge.

There is a phrase that describes this type of thinking. People use "by hook or by crook" to describe a means of "any way possible." It includes both legal and illegal means of achieving one's goals. One particular favorite manipulation tactic employed by such people is known as "Moving The Goal Post." 

According to the definition, this is, "someone moves the goalposts, they change the rules or aims in a situation or activity, to gain an advantage and to make things more difficult for the other people involved." The "win at all costs" mentality destroys morals, courage, and decent behavior. It encourages a lawless society. Eventually, people will start to think that rules no longer apply. Have we not come to this conclusion?

Despitefully used!?

I could spend time talking about abusive relationships. I could spend time talking about people trapped in those abusive relationships. All I would be doing is adding another voice to the choir. I am going to talk about a subject that most don't want to touch. My wife has said that my writing comes from a dark place. Her comments about my style of writing are the truth. There is a phrase people often use as a rebuttal. That phrase is, "it takes one to know one." It is a childish retort to an insult. A child will often get insulted by another child. In response, they say, "well, it takes one to know one!" 

From a scriptural point of view, there is an element of truth to this statement. Scripture teaches that the things we see in other people are often the very things we see in ourselves. I have spoken in a previous post that scripture is a mirror. If you will not take a look at yourself, then life has a way of showing who you are! People often use the word "karma" as a way of describing a biblical basis of, "your sin will find you out!'

One does not plant wheat and then expect a crop of cotton. God isn't one to be made a fool. A person will reap what they sow. It may not be now, the next day, or the near future, but rest assured you will reap what you sow. Sometimes it may come in the form of other people. What is it about that person that seems to get on your nerves? That person who "gossips"? That one person who irritates you?

But know this, that in the last days, grievous times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, no lovers of good, traitors, headstrong, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God; holding a form of godliness, but having denied the power thereof. Turn away from these, also. For of these are those who creep into houses and take captive gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Even as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moshe, so do these also oppose the truth; men corrupted in mind; reprobate concerning the faith. But they will proceed no further. For their folly will be evident to all men, as theirs also came to be. - 2 Timothy 3:1-9 HNV

I have thought about one particular phrase in the above verse. It seems to stand out from the intensely negative character descriptions. The best way to describe this, in my opinion, is to take a look at the word "intimacy." A marriage is more than a legal document. It is more than just physical relations between a man and woman. It is about intimacy and the sharing of secrets you would trust no one else. Holding to a form of godliness can be likened to the attacks that Delilah used upon Samson. She used his love for her to discover his greatest weakness. When he told her, she turns around and uses it to destroy him. Some people hold to a form of the real thing. In my opinion, they hold themselves back (possibly due to a painful incident). There are numerous reasons why people would rather hold to a form of something instead of the real thing. When it doesn't last, they blame the "real thing" instead of the "form".


Sad!


Sincerely,

David A. Kitchens, Editor

Guilt Trips and People

 

I am going to reference a previous story from my last blog. I am going to use a portion of it. The story I will be using references the young lady taken away by the sheriff's office screaming, cussing, and yelling. If you have not read this section, I suggest you read that first before continuing.

I contend that since she is the one that closed the door to all meaningful communication, there is nothing left for anyone to do. While in prison (both literal and metaphorical), she is locked into a series of mind games she tries to play on people. She will attempt to use and eventually abuse the people that get involved with her. Keeping your distance from this type of person is seen (in my opinion) as a means of self-protection.

I am remiss if I didn't mention that some people have issues they have buried. This issue they are facing may be severe. They may be attempting to deal with it on their own. Their responses to everyday situations may not be what is considered normal. The reaction to everyday situations may range from highly exaggerated to non-existent. Using a highly descriptive metaphor, this is like an infected wound that no one can see. Professional help is a great starting place but doesn't guarantee success.

Then again, we have people that seemingly have no issues of note. It is on this portion that I will continue. The use of scripture should first be used as a mirror to examine how you stand with G-d. Some people don't want to look at themselves first. They are content with using scripture as a bludgeon to show the mistakes, errors, and misunderstandings of the people around them. The mistakes, errors, and misjudgments they see in other people are a reflection of themselves. 

The issue at hand is not if "they" are doing everything right. The question is whether "you" are doing everything right. Yeshua (Jesus) taught that one should give freely without the expectation of reward. 

For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend [to them] of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and [to] the evil. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. - Luke 6:32-36 KJV

The giving of your "time" is something that is given and not returned. One does not get that time back. It is for this reason, maybe, that people are reluctant to part with a precious commodity. I am sure some questions exist for the sole purpose of defending a selfish disposition. If you have done everything you know how to do, and they still close that door, I contend the issue is not with you, but them! 

However, if it is you that is deliberately closing the door!?

Sincerely,

David A. Kitchens, Editor

The Dream World

I entitled this article for a specific reason. Dreams, for the most part, are better than reality. I am not referring to nightmares, as that is a different subject altogether. A child that is growing-up can have the fantastic dreams. The escape into the Fantasy world can be quite fun. It is a way to shape their imaginations.

Escapism is a coping strategy that implies the tendency to evade the real world, looking for the desired security and tranquility in a fantasy world. - Jennifer Delgado Suarez, Psy.D

 

When someone wants to live a fantasy world and does not want to face reality, it becomes a problem. On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have other issues to face. This world is where reality (albeit a false reality) and fantasy meet. This world is where abuse (of all types) is readily apparent.

I recall an incident my wife and I were witnesses to and unfortunate set of circumstances. At no time do I place blame anywhere. At not time do I suggest that either side is innocent. Before I tell a series of stories, I share this verse to remind you that "all" have fallen short of the Glory of G-d.

For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of G-d; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Messiah Yeshua. - Romans 3:23-24 HNV

Beat at Home

For the sake of clarity, I will name the young lady in this tory as "Beth." Beth is strong-minded, tough young lady ready to fight at a moment's notice. There are very few people that she allows close contact. Beth would question the motive behind compliments. She saw compliments given by a male as a ruse to get her into bed. She saw compliments given by females as a way to get her to lower her guard.

The place my wife and I were working at this time had some horses. Equine Therapy was one of the great things I have personally witnessed.

Equine Therapy is the discipline of using horses to provide metaphoric experiences to promote emotional growth. The horses provide an excellent way for troubled youth to react when there are otherwise therapy-resistant. Equine Therapists will teach many lessons on ways horses learn, respond, and follow instructions to the lives of youth themselves. - Equine Psychotherapy

The teacher gave practical example to these young ladies. He pointed out the actions they did versus how the horse responded. Taking that as a clue, I started attaching my comments to a specific action. I would approach Beth by keeping my hands clasped behind me. I would call here name, mention the incident, and then give a compliment. If the incident required some criticism, I wouldn't give it directly. I would ask her what happened. I would then ask her how she would do things differently.

I must admit that the first few times, her response could melt steel! Slowly, I witnessed the response weaken. One day during a moment she was very proud of, I complimented her. I was walking by her side at this moment. In an instant, she reaches out and grabs me around the waist. She places her head on my shoulder and says, "Thanks! Mr. Kitchens!"

One day she comes to me and asks if she could talk. I ask her to sit down. She refuses on the condition that she wanted to show me something. She turns around and lifts her shirt up. On her back were scars from a razor strap. She explained how her "mom" would use this razor strap and force her to go to church. While in church, she heard how "G-d loves her." The conflict between what she heard at "church" and the reality she was receiving at home destroyed things. She explained she saw how things could be different.

The Prison she owned

The next story I share does not have a happy ending. This story begins the moment a mother and her daughter arrive at this group home. This story is also incomplete. As I said, the story starts the moment they arrive at this group home. The yelling, screaming, name-calling, and cussing between this mother and her daughter caused more than a little concern.

The people at this group home would make a little bit of progress. Then it would be stripped away by the actions of the mother. The group home offered a scheduled, supervised visit between mother and daughter. It was right after school, and this mother bursts into the dayroom. She is demanding to know where her daughter is. About that time, this daughter walks in with a couple of people she had befriended. There was a slight smile on her face. Immediately upon seeing her daughter, this mother goes on a full tirade in front of everyone present. The look of embarrassment and anger quickly flashed upon this young girl's face. As you would expect, this young lady began returning the same treatment as she was receiving from her "mother".

As the days went by, all attempts that previously worked failed. we discovered that this young lady loved to work with plants. She even cracked a little more smile now and then. The smile would quickly fade away when she thought someone was around or looking at her. At the house my wife and I were at, we had a plant that was dying. We watered. We fertilized. There was nothing that seemed to work. I got her to take a look at it. She quickly discovered that the plant was root-bound.

Root-Bound: having roots formed into a dense, tangled mass that allows little or no space for further growth. - Merriam-Webster Dictionary

A root-bound plant can choke itself. If not correct, the plant will die. This young lady had previously mentioned that the rules of the place were too lenient. I attempted to use her explanation of this plant as a metaphor for her. She had grown and needed a larger environment. She quickly realized what I was doing. There was a realization that the attempts to start arguments were not working on the staff. She realized that the decision was on her. On a metaphoric level, she shut the door to her prison. Eventually, all attempts had been exhausted. The staff had no recourse but to call the County Sheriff's Office. When the Sheriff arrived to pick her up, she attacked them. She was taken away screaming, yelling, and cursing. There was not a single tear in her eye. Her face was one of rage, anger, and despair!


Sincerely,

David A. Kitchens, Editor

Life is like a Country Road

Growing up within the confines of a city has taught me several things. I have been on several types of roads within these confines. There was one road that I had not driven on. The type of road I am talking about is the typical dirt road found in rural America.

For a lot of rural America, a single dirt road is all that is available. It isn't uncommon to have a farm on one side and an empty field on the other. There may be a single farmhouse or a barn standing by itself. Traveling to and from these places is connected by a single dirt road. The people in this area know several things. They know who is from the local area. They know strangers. The traffic in this area is at a minimum. You have a reason to be there, or you do not. It is a rare thing indeed to be "passing through." While the roads remain public access, it isn't illegal to drive these roads. 

Life, like a dirt road, has issues that come up to challenge our way of thinking. A ditch along these roads is there for drainage. Understanding the use of and having to deal with that same ditch remains two different things. It becomes apparent when after a rain. If you have never driven a muddy dirt road, it is easy to have an opinion. It is along those lines; I share the following story: Enjoy!

I was out driving in the country. I took a left onto a dirt road. After a short while, it became apparent this was a big mistake. The road was wet and muddy. All attempts to back up failed. I found my truck sliding towards a huge ditch. I look ahead and saw nothing but a straight road. My attempt at solving this problem was based on the assumption that I was on a straight road. I would go slow and steady till I got off this road. 

This road, like life, had a curve. I saw the issue I was facing. Luckily for me, I managed to navigate this curve rather well. It bolstered my confidence. It didn't eliminate my overall concern though.

My concern jumped to a new level when I saw what was before me. Ahead were smalls hills and shallow valleys. I was aware that I need a certain amount of speed to negotiate the smalls hills. If I go too fast, then I risk sliding into a ditch. If I go too slow, then I risk sliding back down the small hill into a ditch.

Up ahead, I saw another curve. It was at this point I realized I was going too fast. The brakes were useless. I attempted to downshift to use engine braking. When I came upon the curve, my momentum carried me forward into a ditch. 

This picture may not accurately portray the issue. From the bottom of the ditch to the top of the road is two to three feet. The driver's side of the truck buried itself into the mud. The passenger side has minimum contact with the road surface. All attempts to free myself fail. It was getting late, and the sun is setting. The temperature is falling fast. Luckily for me, I had some things with me I could use to keep warm until daylight.

A friend of mine asked me why didn't I walk back to the main roadway? Predators are known to be in this area. If you can hear them, then they are close enough to attack you. Bobcats, Puma, and Cougars are known to be in this area. All that night, I heard them calling. It was better to wait until daylight than fight the darkness, the muddy road, as well as defend myself against an attack.

Life is not fair. Life has never been fair. A person is responsible for the decisions they make in their life. Yet, this stands in contrast to reality. Criminals flaunt the law to the aggravation of their victims. Some people seem to find success easily, while others never find it.

I returned and saw under the sun that— The race is not to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor bread to the wise, Nor riches to men of understanding, Nor favor to men of skill; But time and chance happen to them all. - Ecclesiastes 9:11

Sincerely,

David A. Kitchens, Editor

The Art of Killing Motivation

I will be the first to admit that a previous relationship failed. It is in this failed relationship that my inherent weaknesses are weapons to the benefit of the abuser. In the end, I didn't recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. The person at the beginning was not the person at the end of it. 

The reasoning behind the abuse can be as varied as the people. Several professional sources indicate that the purpose of the manipulator is as follows:

1. To avoid being confronted
2. To put you on the defensive
3. To make you doubt yourself and your perception
4. To hide the aggressive intent
5. To avoid responsibility
6. To not have to change

It will get to the point where you start doubting yourself and how you view the world around you. You will find yourself relying on the perspective of the manipulator. 

Covert Tactics Manipulators Use to Control and Confuse You | What Is Codependency?

If the manipulator has done their job well, it will be difficult for an outsider to see the truth. The manipulator is controlling how everyone views the situation. They are not above feigning concern if it means gaining sympathy. 

The feigning of concern is one of the tactics professional sources mention. Some of the tactics include:

1. Overt aggression
2. Narcissistic abuse 
3. Emotional Abuse
4. Blaming
5. Complaining
6. Comparing
7. Feigning Ignorance
8. Feigning Innocence
9. Undermining
10. Fake Concern

I am remiss if I didn't mention that hope and recovery from this type of abuse exist. It can be hard to distinguish the difference between genuine concern for your well-being and the abuse you experienced. The overall goal is to stand on your own two feet without relying on them for support. I am not in a position to give advice. In some ways, I am still recovering. I can share some experiences, but they may not apply to you. Professional help is one resource.